The CuterThanJesus Local Election Day Roundup!

Here in New York City, incumbent Mayor-of-Gettin’ Paid Mike Bloomberg won again, but only narrowly, which, according to some idiots on teevee, is not a mandate. Yes. He must now text losing candidate Bill Thompson for advice on all major decisions over the next four years. Get the unlimited plan, bro! FUN FACT: 66% of [...]

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The Latest In Political Ads: ‘If Ugly Was Bricks, Mike Bloomberg Would Be The Projects’

As election season heats up, the political ads are becoming predictably, and hilariously, more insane. For example: In the hotly contested race to become New Jersey’s next corrupt gubernatorial failure, incumbent John Corzine has run a series of ads alluding to the weight of his portly Republican rival, Chris Christie, who is obese. (Apparently, this [...]

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THERE IS NO NEWS: It seems the American media has given up, after the Balloon Boy fiasco, leaving us at CTJ with precious little to make fun of or become indignant about. So read this New York Magazine thing, on New York City Mayor-Until-Further-Notice, Mike Bloomberg. He’s rich, ya know. [NY Mag]

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Filthy Rich Mike Bloomberg Loves Hamburgers And Hot Dogs, Just Like Your Broke Ass

Here’s an ironic juxtaposition for you: while out cooling his heels in the Hamptons Sunday, at a “horse show” (your editor is too poor to even know what that is), Mayor Mike Bloomberg attempted to crank out some jazz for us reggla folk, claiming he’s just your average every day girl next door billionaire-type, because [...]

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Today’s Headlines: There Are No Jobs Anymore, But You Could Probably Become A War, If You Just Applied Yourself

• Turns out May was just a fluke, and we’re still robustly swirling down the toilet drain. U.S. employers cut 467,000 jobs in June, driving the unemployment rate to a 26-year high of 9.5 percent. [CNBC] The good news is, all these unemployed peoples can now hang at home and baby-sit their kids over the [...]

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We’re Too Busy Mocking The Whole Mark Sanford Fiasco To Really Post Proper News, But Here’s This Anyway

• Most Americans want health care reform, as long as that means no changes whatsoever in the present health care system. Got that? Yeah, us neither. [Wash Po] • The Senate is currently debating a resolution condemning violence against women’s healthcare providers. Yes, debating. The bill states “acts of violence should never be used to [...]

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Most New Yorkers Don’t Want King Bloomberg To Be Mayor Anymore, But It Doesn’t Matter Because He Shits Money The End

New York Mayor and megalomaniac at-large Mike Bloomberg is currently in the process of appointing himself boss of bosses, ‘for the time being’, even though most New Yorkers have had enough of his snooty, robotronic pragmatism for one lifetime. Fifty-eight percent of respondents to a NY1/New York Times/Cornell University poll disagreed with the term limits [...]

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