Texas To Re-Write School Curriculum With Whitewashed Fantasies Of Guns, Dungarees, And The Baby Jeebus

Remember when America, and specifically, the United States, was mentioned by name, in the Bible, as the “chosen” nation? Yes you do, you liar. It was right there, in the Bible. Like, on page 8! Pfft. Whatever. It’ll be in the Texas school books sometime soon anyway, as proof. Cynthia Dunbar, Texas lawyer, wingnut, and [...]

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Muslim Clerics Declare War On Women Who Have The Nerve To Uhh Be Capable Of Tanning

Iran’s Islamic leadership continues its fear mongering campaign this week, threatening to arrest women who are suntanned and “who look like walking mannequins,” whatever the fuck that means. Clerics are denouncing the women for violating the spirit of Islamic laws by dressing fashionably rather than wearing the headscarves and shape shrouding cloaks the religion demands [...]

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Religious Leaders Forcing Senegalese Children To Beg In Streets For…God

A report released by Human Rights Watch yesterday reveals that at least 50,000 children in Senegal are forced to beg on the streets by the assholes who are supposed to be their religious leaders. Parents send their children to various religious schools for instruction in the Koran. Instead, some leaders exploit the children for their [...]

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Pat Robertson Is a Fucking Asshole

On his Christian Broadcasting Network today, televangelist Pat Robertson told his viewers that the unfortunate earthquake Haiti suffered yesterday was due to the country “being cursed” from having made “a pact with the devil.” This “pact” was made back when the French were raping and colonizing the shit out of the country, and Haitians had [...]

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Antonin Scalia Thinks Christian Crosses Are For Everybody

So there’s some shabby 5-foot tall World War I memorial cross located on government land in Somewhere, U.S.A The Mojave National Preserve, and apparently it is pissing off some non-Christians who are extraordinarily fucking bored. Their issue is whether this memorial violates the Establishment Clause in the Constitution, and well, it probably does. But! So [...]

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Conservative Artist Jon McNaughton Paints The Best ‘Art Thing’ Since Forever: It’s The Sistine Chapel Times Infinity!

WHO KNEW? Oh well look-y here at Jesus, minutes after he finished writing The Constitution, for 9/11, during the Vietnam War on Drugs, or whenever. He is very shiny, because that’s just how he rolls, bitch. Oh and look who else just cold-stopped by?? There’s Thomas Jefferson, who thought he wrote the Constitution, before realizing, [...]

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Conservatives Will Attempt To Re-write, Or ‘Conservatize’ The Bible, Because It’s Too Liberal (Gay)

Thanks to avid CTJ reader LustyMcButterPants for alerting us to the hip new thing in Conservatism – rewriting the Bible to remove any trace of liberal bias! (It’s about goddamn time.) Well, what’s on the docket Conservative Bible Project, you ask? How’s about some sexy extracts from their list of ten, yes?? (Courtesy of HuffPo.) [...]

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Touchy Subjects: The Catholic Church Says Other People Are Molesters Too!

Oh, that Vatican. In response to all the criticism over its handling (pun intended?) of its pedophilia crisis, The Holy See has released a ridiculous and offensive statement claiming that most U.S churches being hit with child sex abuse allegations were Protestant (sweet!), that Jewish communities also face sexual abuse (hooray!), and that abuse is [...]

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